Bucket-list

To-do lists, sticky-lists and wish-lists structure and prioritize our goals. Then there is the bucket-list for those must do items before it’s too late. What’s the bet that travel is on that list? There are all kinds of places people want to visit before that bucket springs a leak.

Companies in the business often lure folks with the line… “Live it up at the Hotel California”. Of course if you win the trip it’s unlikely to be on that bucket list.

A review of such a trip might read something like this:

The check-in at the “resort” is painless. The super friendly staff already have all your details but they do ask for your ‘loyalty card’ to make sure you are legit.

“Ah! We have been expecting you. Welcome. Here is a room key which you must wear at all times.”

The room key is a bit like those Club Med money chips you wear around your neck. It keeps a tab on your vitals but it can interrupt your slumber. It does not play music and sets off alarm-bells if you penetrate the invisible fence to go exploring without letting the front desk know. Sleep-walkers be warned.

You are also given a wrist band with a barcode, your name and D.O.B. For easy reference should you forget. Your ‘hotel’ ID number is prominently displayed presumably for recording purposes.

The attention provided by a bevy of staff is exemplary, so much so that you have to remember your name and D.O.B. at all times, which is a pain because if you have to think of something like your telephone number when someone asks for it you draw a blank. They even provide you with a bell, which brings them running when rung. This is a lot of fun. See if they arrive within in thirty minutes like those Pizza promises. Often they simply respond through the bedside intercom system.

“What’s your problem now Mister So‘nSo.”

“My tongue is stuck in my cheek,” you reply. Deadly silence follows. Game over.

There is no need to fuss about setting wakeup alarms. Rather the live performance by folks masquerading as vampires whisking away their samples leaves you wide-eyed.

Room service is a fine culinary experience, but watch out for weight loss which is monitored daily. Do not expect a turndown service with chocolates on your pillow at night. The main-en-suite is kept spotless at all times.

The concierge will arrange for the in-house ‘limo’ service, that comes with cheery stewards and their ‘wheels’ to get you to your venues on time. This is a wonderful chance to explore the maze of corridors within the ‘resort’.

Loyalty points are simply not available for any of this, so forget that.

You can check-out anytime you like, but you can never leave.