Christmas Eve Shopping

There is nothing quite like a dash to the mall on Christmas Eve to get those last goodies. Why on earth would one do that when there are 364 other days to play with? Apparently it is primarily a male trait, which makes it entirely comprehensible. It is akin to going to a sporting event like ultimate fighting, being a long lost gladiator. A do or die thing (imagine no gift under the tree for your loved one). Love that testosterone. The on-line mail order thing just doesn’t cut it.

The first step is to enjoy the drive to the mall, which serves as a curtain raiser and gets the adrenaline flowing (a prerequisite to the ensuing sparring). The more drivers one tells to get lost on the way is a good indicator that the process is working. To maximize the benefit of the experience one must choose the busiest arenas and have no idea of what to get. The obvious goal is to emerge victorious, prize in hand, oblivious of any physical scarring, lost wallets or reputation. Finally, on the drive home one should be sedated by a caffeine free beverage and quiet music. Deep breathing is recommended. This way one is ensured of arriving home in a sprit of goodwill to all mankind, peace on earth, satisfied that all is well.