Back-asswards 😜

So this morning Funky Folks the sun had not yet risen when I fell out of bed. It was dark. The bedside light that flickered like a candle in the wind barely brought light into the bedroom. I stumbled to the cupboard to begin dressing for the day. I reached in, chose a sweatshirt but I donned it the wrong way round. I couldn’t see over the collar that was in my face.

Then it occurred to me that the sweatshirt was a tad snug. “Hmm…” I thought to myself. Proportions had definitely changed since buying that old darned sweatshirt.

What followed in trying to distract myself from this demise was something akin to Mr.Bean’s head stuck in a turkey looking for his lost watch after stuffing the bird.

Stumbling around in circles in the dim light of the bedroom was a noisy affair. My grunts and groans likely caused some lights to go on elsewhere in the house. Then I bumped into something warm. With the help of my wife tugging the sleeves, the sweatshirt finally came off.

With the force of the counter action of getting that darned old sweatshirt off I bumped my head against the wall. I thanked my wife profusely but I needed coffee Lots of coffee.

Attired in a funky outfit that took imagination to put together I ignored the raised eyebrows and comment, “You going to San Francisco then ‘are ya ‘n where’s the flowers in your hair dearie?” But the intense aroma of brewing coffee wafting around the kitchen consumed my attention.

Then the smoke alarm sounded in mega-decibels. I had forgotten about the toaster where smoke was rising sending signals out. All hell broke loose.

Occupants of the house came running including the guests in the basement. As a result of the dynamics this saw everyone in a pile on the floor after colliding , tripping and cursing. No one could move. The smoke alarm went on and on and smoke drifted through the house.

After some time the sound of approaching sirens rose above the din of the alarm. Sure enough the fire-crew broke down the front door followed by the police.

‘What’s going on here now?” they questioned. “Looks like domestic violence to me.” said the constable. “Better get dem asses in the back o’ da paddy wagon hey!”

#writing